romantic love...

Romanticism Assessment Your Score is 63 Percent
		You appear to have a well-balanced romantic self. While you may get flutters in your stomach when you meet someone you are very attracted to, you do not let your romantic-self entirely dictate how you proceed. You will ask yourself if there is a chance this relationship will work before allowing yourself to fall in love. Even if you feel a romantic connection is viable from a practical sense, you will not just allow yourself to be swept away. You do not have many illusions about love. While you may feel a very deep attachment to someone, you know love rarely conquers all. You know successful relationships take work and compromise and a desire by those involved to make their relationship work. Candlelight dinners and words of endless love may be nice, but they don't pay the bills or get the dishes washed. The middle ground on the romanticism scale is neither entirely safe nor entirely lackluster. However it does not carry the weight of a romantic failure based upon being swooped off your feet. Nor is the middle ground so devoid of romanticism that you feel like you are living with a sibling. Also, there is quite a bit of evidence that with your outlook on romanticism your relationship has a very good chance of succeeding.

Dating Quiz: How Romantic Are You? Results

You are a true, dyed in the wool romantic. Poetry and chocolate are mainstays in your romantic arsenal, as are Valentine's Day and loving gestures. There is nothing wrong with being romantic, just be sure that your partner is evenly matched with your romanticism. Too much romance given to a practical partner (who is your complete opposite) may make them recoil. Think subtle if you can for this kind of person, and you'll be sure to please in the long run.

ANGER!! FUCKING SERIOUS ANIMOSITY

.l,mnhb cx!!

bodoh giler..aku benci giler anger bipolar dye tu!!!

break up jer la mcm ni!!1

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fuck u!!!

that's how mad i am at u...siap pecah lg keyboard number 0 td...

u xpaham bahase ke ar??

da i kate kredit i habis,ni kredit last, perlu ke u msg i lg, kate i xsyg u..i tipu u, i xjujur dgn u just becuz i da xmsg u??

bahalol ke ape?? huh?? bangan!!

da aku kater xde kredit,xde kredit la pandai!

ko ingat sbb ko tu bodoh sgt,sbb ko tu setia dgn aku bertahun2, ko snang2 je nk bipolar kat aku!! brape kali setahun aku nk gitau ko yg aku ni xblh dimainkan perasaan..aku kalau marah..marah! bukan nye sesaat tros ok blh gelak..lagi2 kalau kau yg aku benci perangai yang wat aku mcm ni..

cmon la.kite suke same suke. benci same benci k??

ko blh x dump aku tanpe perlu menipu n konon nk tragis yg ko da beli mcm2 la...ko da wat ni itu utk aku...pui! ko ingat aku bodoh ke? ko ingat aku xtau ko ni orang yg kuat temberang?! konon ade kawan la report aku tgh keluar dgn laki lain! go to h*** la bongok! padahal aku kat bilik kot! brape kali ko wat mcm tu kat aku?? ko ingat aper? sbb ko kuat temberang lah aku benci giler kat ko...ko xyah nk deny..aku xnak dgr ape2 pon drpd ko..

ko pergi dari hidup aku skg!! pergi!! kurang sikit org yg aku kene turut perintah mcm ni..ko ingat beza sgt ke hidup aku tanpe ko??

ha??

ko da rosak kan makna hidup aku, ko da absorb aku dari dunia realiti dan aku da allow kau masukkan aku ke dalam dunia utopia kau yg cuma ada kita berdua!

HEBAT SANGAT KE TU??!!!

ko tau tak??

fuck it...today, we barely even chat..

of coz i felt very free...but fuck it, rather than studying, i spent the whole day going online...

whatever...

but this morning i woke up around 3 a.m. cuz of the mosquito bites...screw mosquitoes...

i listened to the a7x's seize the day....and the video clip really makes me misses my bf fucking lots!!!!

aargh, i know, i hate to read cursing words too...what's wrong with me...aargh..

i cried twice, but i dont think me missing him is the super-main reason ...it's the suffering thati imagined for the girl...idk why, i always look for ways towards unhappiness...

the best part in a song or a music video is when the guy(usually an army,or old couple) goes away and never returns...breaking all the girl's hopes and dreams...see, i always look for emo thingy...aargh....what's with me..

i hadn't been doing this for quite some time...i dowanna get emo again,esp when my happy life is here...haiyo!!

Oh...after having all my boys back, amer, dizzy, goad...i feel very normal again..i don’t want the second guy anymore.i don’t need him, sure, I still have the habit of watching him, but the feeling of wanting his attention isn’t there anymore..

Even to my boyfriend now I wish to be free and be friend averyone, luckily he taught me how not to bitch around..he really does love me, doesn’t he??

Too bad we started off too easy...and too far that I cant see who he is in front of strangers and people he doesn’t love..too far for me to admire him....i really wish he could be among my COF and stop criticising the posers and the temberangs and saying ‘fuck posers’... I dislike that...he can express his hate,of course, just not thru sudden emotional slow curse...i want him to be more relaxed..i want him to befriend my boy friends and understand my excitement and platonic love towards them...

I want him to see things from my side, but he thinks so much of insecurities and me cheating on him again that he refuses to see the other side of the world..he wishes to lock me inside his own utopia of just him and me that all attentions are just on us...he has to understand that I am a social person...i need to interact, I need more people....sounds bad, doesn’t it?? Well, I'm just that selfish...

I always imagine we hang around with OUR COF laughing, discussing this and that, they teasing our love, saying we’re sweet... sth like that...

Yes, I’m talking about the attention from OUR COF(which we don’t have)..he cant be with anyone else but me, I understand... I also don’t wish to lose him, honey, cant u understand that desperation drives people away?

U’re lucky enuff I stayed with u despite the stress u put me on. And I'm lucky enuff, in fact, super lucky u didn’t even dump me after I did that...

u told me to take responsibility of your trauma...but sayang, I’d told you thousands of times, directly and indirectly that this we are living and dying as individuals..i really wish to become one with u, I want u to feel what I feel,,I want to be full whenever I eat, that’s how much I want to unite with u, but that’s just too impossible, if I eat, it’s gonna make me, ONLY ME full, not u.

I know, I hate it too..but that’s just how life is...u are on your own, your sadness, only u can feel it, I might understand how you feel, but the suffer n torture u feel, only u know and Allah knows best...so sayang, please know that what you are pushing me to do, taking this responsibility on your situation, it can and would make me go away...sayang, please don’t brush me off..

I really want a happy life with u sayang..i really do, but your insecurities are killing me, making me repel your charge and wishes to escape you, but your begging and desperation makes me stay..

at times, your insecurities make me want to break out of our relationship, but I pretended n u knew I were, all the promises I made were fake, and I lied cuz I wasn’t able to break your fragile and already broken crystal heart...

i just cant change, I'm too full of myself, that’s what I'm working at now, becoming more humble and not so possessive and self centred...dont ask me anymore, i'm unable to speak the truth anymore, even the slightest thing. sorry sayang, i never meant or knew thing would turn out this way.

I have so many things await for me for my future, and you’re taking all that for me, u are taking over me..for the sake of your dependence.

i told u, its not good to always depend on me, it’d break you, but u cant, you tried, but your feelings and needing of me are too strong you cant control it anymore,

I told you to get closer to Allah, but it’s hard, especially when I keep encouraging you to do nasty stuffs for me.

U know, only you can make me feel that way, maybe I love you after all, but I refuse to love u with all my heart cuz u’re like a predator, waiting for the perfect moment when I’m off guard to snatch my life away from me..

i dont know what to expect of us sayang.i dont know anymore, last night i was too close to dumping you but i cudn't cuz i was too selfish and too afraid to break u

who should i love??

idk what my prob is...

m i really in love??

the person whom i'd been looking for had been right under my nose all these years...why am i hesitatating to love him all my heart?? he's obsessed with me...he'd do ANYTHING fro me..or maybe i dislike him because of his insecurities??? he's too afraid i'd turn on him...i am always fed up wen he does that,but he never gives up...which is good because i do have the tendency to do so..

WAAAAA>>>*col* why is it that hard for me to discipline myself??? maybe i need to ensure my 5 prayers are completed daily.

(n now my mind is procrastinating,thinking that i should start doing that tomorrow subuh,whereas i can go to surau this maghrib or solat asar AT THIS MOMENT!!!)

see, how my mind is very much influenced by my nafsu...

ok, back to the love problem, i'm finding it hard to stay loyal to him because by choosing him, i have to let go of the life i'd been building and the social network i'd been having all these times...

i am just unwilling to lose some to gain a so-called 'great true unconditional love'

hurm, on the same time, i'd been loving this one guy even before my boyfriend even entered my life, but he's the type of person who doesnt appreciate ladies, especially to me...he seems very close to a junior, and until now, i'm still very jealous,and i know it's not good for any relationship...

i'd been trying to get him to appreciate me like other guys in my life, but he won the battle..too bad. we lived faar far apart and that's another reason i dont believe in having a relationship with him although he did ask for it several times before..if he couldn't appreciate me, treat me sweetly, going out on dates in public,without being scared to lose his crew,i would've long ago accepted his 'love'..but i know it aint true,so i had to wait....

i totally forgot about him as school ends for so many months...

i entered the university and i tell u, those days are THE ONLY happy moments of me and my boyfriend...without any feeling for other guys...

then he texted me he's going to the same place i'm goin, and then, i started seeing him daily,and evrything went back to square one...i'm crazy about him again...

we were even in the same orientation group, and his leadership and calmness and all other qualities he possesses rally hypnotised me...he's the type of person who knows and does everything that he knows is best for him...he always get high results and is very appealing and favoured by everyone who knows him, and those qualities i really admire!!!!

it's just hard to admire his qualities and not loving him at the same time...

about my boyfriend, i'd never attended the same school as him and he's very secretive and a bad story teller and when i ask him questions, he wont be able to give me the right answer,all he ever knows is HE LOVES ME, HE DEVOURS ME, HE"S OBSESSED WITH ME, HE cANt lIVE WITHOUT ME...

and in order to attract my minat, i must always see his good qualities and see others reaction and others' likeness towards him too...so, in my case, i only see everything from his POV...

maybe that contributes to why i am not obsessed with him...

but one question lingers in my mind...do i still love my crush cuz i hadn't had him, or becuz i really love him???

what should i do now?? should i divide my love into two or should i take the risk to lose my life and become this stupid girl

(not really,tho. others see it as being very playing-hard-to-get) (plus, im saying its stupid cuz i REALLY HAVE to LOSE my life in order to gain love?? i dont believe in such a thing)

who sacrifices her life fro her 'hubby' and stay at home,being idle,doing all chores...i HATE THAT!!!

and i;m not expecting that in my future....

i FUCKING HATE AND AT RAGE NOW THINKING MY LOSS...even now i'm not giving up on him...

he offered a break up just now to show how much he's pissed off n how he can't hold it any longer..

i was divided...i wanted to say yes, but i'm always afraid of losing n plus, worst attitude of mine..

ITS HARD FOR ME TO DISCONTENT OTHERS...

ever since i was small, as the youngest child, all answers and responses i'd ever given were to please and for others' consent....

that's the reason why i'm fat and my boyfriend list doesnt seem to stop, plus my uncontrollable nafsu which is getting the better of me,making me LAZY..n i mean. XTRA LAZY....

btw, just now we had a fight cuz i failed to text him like every 15 mins daily, like how i always fail to do so days before...

so he went berserk and threatened to dump me cuz he's lost his patience...he is really n extremely worried that i'm going out with other boys...he waited for 4 hours n yet i only called him twice n text him like 5 times only..i understand his situation...

but i couldnt do anything about it..im just so used to doing my stuff and not stopping once i started..(but it's as hard for me to start it) n that's why i hate stopping doing things that'd take long to finished...

aagrh...i really don''t know what's my situation n status in my love life now, who i really love, m i destined for a bad marriage and relationship??? it seems like it...

aaargh!!

i wanna get slimmed down and attract many boys..

i wanna get pretty!!!

n in order to do so, i must be DISCIPLINED!!

which is sth i'd tried to do almost 8 years now,without success....

*sigh*

i won't hurt YOU anymore ever again!

I repeated it for a long time. I made you sad for a long time.
I must have hurt you. Now I still cannot move.
Why is it so painful to touch you?
I think it is because I was afraid of making the same mistake and losing you.

I tried to recover the unforgettable days to stay close to each other.
You hold my hand without asking anything.

Even if you don't love me tomorrow, I must love you as I do now.
Even if you don't see me tomorrow, I must love you as I do now.
I will walk together, the future not promised
It keeps walking together, to the future in which you are…

I love you so much that I forget any suffering.
My heart feels pain every time I count the days we cannot meet.

The loneliness is piling up. Please don’t cry alone.
Even if we are so far away, we can believe each other.

I wish to smile as it is. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.
I don't want to repeat such feelings, which have kept fading each time.
Even if you don't love me tomorrow, I must love you as I do now.
Even if you don't see me tomorrow, I must love you as I do now.
Please, only look at me. Please, don’t let our hands separate.
I will walk together, the future not promised
It keeps walking together, to the future in which you are…

-Cassis by the Gazette_