problems again

im sooo Hungry!!!
i want to make mushroom soup...wait ar!!

ok..
so, my numerous problem includes this one...LAZINESS!!!

Being the last child in the family, I am born to be lazy...
as a student, i ain't supposed to do so...

i can't study after going back from school...
hunger stops all my activity...
i am lazy..

i am so not an action person..
i am home-bounded...

i envy the girlfriends who are very active and gets involved in so many extra curricular activities...
i wish to start new life and start off first by jogging every evening..
but then, only now it starts raining every evening... plus, when i get the chance, i am shy to do it, even basketball or w/e..my only active girlfriend is playing futsal. i can't play it, not in public..
another obstacle is that i always have to cover my chest every time i jog...sometimes it hurts as they move along..
plus, my bestest friends here are all slim and don't need the exercise, so, i lack supports...

i also want to be involved in NGO activities.like my friend, she is always joining sth, evan my niece is in Rakan Muda...I guess maybe i got out too much,so i just lost the keen of going out...i'm becoming more and more less social and home-bounded since i was in relationship with this great guy...

^_^ but, i am happy because tomorrow, i am going to the Aussie Education Fair in KLCC...it's been like forever since i'd gone out on such activities. so, i am so not surprised if tomorrow i wake up and don't feel like going...

THAT'S MY PROBLEM!!! I NEVER HAVE EFFORT TO PUT MY ALL INTO ANYTHING AT ALL IN THIS WORLD, NOR CAN I STAND ON MY OWN TWO FEET TO DO THINGS WITHOUT NEEDING SOMEONE TO BACK ME UP. I DON'T HAVE THE MOTIVATION TO DO ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD, I WOULD RATHER LIE DOWN AND SLEEP,WATCHING tv, LISTENING TO NOISES INSTEAD OF GOING AROUND THE PLACE, EXPLORING IT, LEARNING STH.I ONLY WANT TO EAT,REST,ENJOY THE CONDITION. I HAVE REALLY INTERNALIZE PROCRASTINATION,LAZINESS,STUPIDITY,DISCOURAGEMENT,DEPENDENCE IN ME!!!

so, my goal now is to slowly start making my own move on my two feet!

Forbidden Love

My boyfriend and I had been together for 3 years now..
He is everything that I or any other girl wanted..
PERFECT!!!
He's good looking, super kind, super caring, calls me daily, loves me to an extent he almost committed suicide (my love isn't bothered by that), never forget to tell me he loves me even for a second..
any girl would have really go crazy for him.

He's too perfect to describe..
He never says No to any of my request, and is not really a social guy, especially among the girls..

All my boy friends are into flirting around and doesn't have that responsibility and the independence from their peer.
Bear(i shall call him Bear) is very different from them..

as I kept repeating on and on again, he's THE PERFECT GUY for Salmon(I shall call myself Salmon)
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I had a crush for this one (other) guy since 3 years ago, a bit longer than the time I was in love with Bear.
He scored ZERO in my list of ideal boyfriend, yet I'm so attached to him.
I admire his superiority and his intelligence and determination in getting something.
I just love him.
He's a total opposite of Bear. Most obvious is that, he's very social with the girls and the girls often talk about him.
the problem is, my thumping heart feels like exploding each time i hear the girls talk about that Forward (i suppose this is his name) guy.

I thought I had finally be able to forget him and move on with Bear. But one day, he text me saying we were going to the same college..
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Here, now, i see him daily, and the effort that I made to forget him was to no avail. all of a sudden, my feeling for him grows stronger and my jealousy heightens when my own bestfriend (Mango) who always thinks that every guy who comes close to her or who plays around, or maybe just simply said hello to her as her admirer..that is a super problem..worst is, she could approach them.

So, the other day, Forward came into the college mini store to get the fresh air with some of our boy friends. Mango was there. and unfortunately, Mango thought that Forward was approaching her..
As her best friend, I listened to her excitements, each and every one of them and gave + response all the time..
when Mango told me about Forward, my mind was really perturbed.

I had to forget him.. I JUST KNOW THAT I HAVE TO FORGET MY LOVE AND PASSION TOWARDS HIM, I just don't know how or should I even try to forget him??

Idk...i'm just too confused, and lost